Fact: Goats are easier to push.

Eric writes:

What the hell did I eat yesterday? My stomach hurts so much.
I actually know what I ate yesterday that has turned my stoach into the night sky on July 4th. Ouch! Someone help me. Here’s the exchange that has turned my morning into anguish:
Me: Hola.
Taco stand guy: Hola.
Me (after having used most of my Spanish in the salutation): Can I get a chicken burrito with avacado on it?
Taco Stand Guy: You want it spicy?
Me (ignoring the fact that last time I had something spicy here, my throat closed, my nose ran, and I cried): Yes, please.
Taco Stand Guy: 3 dollars.

I handed him the money. He thanked me when I put a dollar in the tip jar before the burrito got made. I think he made it even spicier than the usual “spicy” as a favor. I took the burrito to A-Scards’s house where she was having a late dinner. We sat down and I began to eat the burrito:

A-Scards: Is something wrong?
Eric: No, it’s just a little spicy.

I downplayed how spicy it was and ate it. If my tongue had a larynx of its own, it would definitely be asking me as soon as I took that first bite what the hell I was doing. Hanging with A-Scards was fun. We had that important conversation that good friends all must have at some point: the if-i-had-a-cheese-making-farm-what-kind-of-animals-would-i-raise talk. Yeah, I know, most people would choose cows. But I said, definitely goats, ‘cause cows are too big, and “goats are easier to push”. A-Scards said goats probably smell worse than cows, and cows are friendlier and nicer to look at. I agreed with her that naming a cow is probably easier than naming a goat. You can give cows all sorts of nice names, but with goats I’d give them serious non-jokey names: Jasper, Lucas, etc… If I had cows, I’d name them all after different beef products (considering they’re dairy cows and only used in the production of cheese at our no-slaughterhouse-here-dairy-farm I think this is okay). I mean, you can name a cow: Double Double or Mr. Hamburger… Yeah, it seems easier to give cows sillier names. After that important conversation, I bid A-Scards goodnight and headed to my car, where I sat and drank water to combat the spicy burrito painful aftermath.

Here I am, having written this, and the stomach feels a lot better. Thanks for listening, and healing me with your prayers. Your holographic love toy, Eric

P.S. Been listening to Kim Wilde's "Kids in America". It's a really fun song. I prefer it to the theme song to "Kids Incorporated".